Fostering fears: What happens when a child goes missing from care?

Galina confesses it’s frightening when a child in your care doesn’t come home.  She says, “When it happens, you worry about their safety, but don’t let that put you off”.

Galina says, “Know that you’re never alone. You get so much help from different people, the police, social services, the school and Action for Children. You’ll have lots of support.”

Action for Children supports foster carers 24 hours a day, seven days a week. This means that whatever happens, someone will be there to guide you on what steps you need to take.

There's lots of reasons children go missing from foster care. Most of the time, children will be with their friends or birth family.

“If they’re in touch with their birth family, sometimes they’ll run home to see them. They’ll often want to stay out with their friends too.”

It can be difficult for young people to adjust to their new fostering family. It can take time to build trust and for strong bonds to form.

Some of our foster carers find that young people want to experiment with drugs and alcohol.

Galina remembers, “One of my foster children said that they didn’t come home because they didn’t want me to see how they looked.”

It’s not uncommon for children who’ve experienced trauma and neglect to feel shame. Understanding their perspective on why they’ve not returned home is vital. It could be they’re worried about the impact their actions might have on their home life.

Galina’s first tip is, “Do everything you can to find the child. Remember that sometimes children will lose track of time or may be testing your commitment to them. It’s vital to check in before raising the alarm.”

As their foster carer, most of the time you’ll know where they are. If a young person isn’t answering their phone, you’ll check with their close friends and family to begin with.

Your social worker is there to support you, as well as a 24/7 wrap-around support team. You'll never have to make decisions on your own.

“My social worker is always near me if I need them, my Team Manager too. The police also support you to find the child.”

It can be difficult to stay calm after so much uncertainty. Galina’s advice is to be kind.

“Offer them some food. For me, it doesn’t matter what time the child comes home, I always offer food. Give them a hug, let them know you’re happy to see them and it’s nice they’re back. Tell them you’ve missed them and carry on as normal.”

Acting with empathy helps the child to feel accepted after they return. By letting them know you’ve been worried about them, helps them to recognise you care. It builds trust and seals the bond between a foster carer and young person.

Galina reflects, “I never ask a child where they’ve been or what they’ve been doing right away. Asking them questions when they first see you will not work.”

In situations like this, acting with compassion and active listening are key. For most vulnerable children, confrontation will cause a fight or flight reflex. It may mean the child feels attacked, causing them to run away again.

Galina explains, “If you go back and think about their childhood, you don’t know what might have happened to them, you might scare them. You wait for the right time, then you find out what triggered them to run away.”

Galina believes having a supportive network around you will help you through the tougher times of fostering. Her advice is to reach out to a loved one.

“I’m so lucky because my children are incredibly supportive and understand the situation. They always give me a hug if I need it. And I have a brilliant husband, he supports me and has a great relationship with our foster children.”

As well as support from loved ones, Action for Children provide ongoing training and support to carers. Galina said, “I’m really happy with how Action for Children has supported me over the years, the annual training helps to prepare you too”.

We’re looking for exceptional people to provide loving homes to vulnerable young people.